Back at home

Well, I am officially done my first year of university! Exams were ok I guess but to tell you the truth, I've already forgotten about them - I just don't care anymore and it's nice to be done!
Saturday I had an amazing time! Big thanks out to the girls + Jon and Graeme!!!
Since I've been home some stuff has gone on that wasn't very.... enjoyable.... But I'm slowly working through it and it'll all be good eventually!
One of the not so good things about being home is my parent's stupid computer and stupid dial up internet! It is so amazingly frustrated it's not even funny! So I'll try to post as often as I can but those of you who have or had dial up, you know my pain!

yet another forward about university life...

The Truth About University!

Before I went to university I wish I had known:

• That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd sleep through it anyway.
• That I could change so much and barely realize it.
• That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
• That university kids throw airplanes too.
• That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up. (which is why I just wear track pants - practically all the time!)
• That every clock on campus shows a different time.
• That if you were smart in high school, so what?
• That I would go to a party the night before a final.
• That I could sleep until 12:55 and still make my 1:00 class. (it is possible to walk accross campus in four minutes! believe me...)
• That you can know everything and fail a test.
• That you can know nothing and ace a test.
• That the more money your parents give you, the less you have every time you check your account!!
• That parties get old, and sometimes you just want to kick back and watch a movie.
• That most of my education would be obtained outside of class.
• That the free food served until 10 is gone at 9:50.
• That I would go home every weekend my Freshman year.
• That I would laugh at all the Freshman going home every weekend my Senior year.
• That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
• That Psychology is really Biology. That biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Math.
• That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years. (but will I ever admit that to them? hmmm...)
• That it's possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by friends.
• That friends are what makes this place worthwhile!

Remember: "Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends"

End of the school year... good or bad?

Well I've been helping my friends move out of their dorm rooms... Kind of depressing knowing I'm not going to live with all of these girls again. This year just flew by. I'm so incredibly excited for summer - camping, going to a cottage with Laurel and Constance, sun and warmth - NO COLD SNOW!!! But at the same time I really hate leaving all the girls here on this floor... They helped me alot with different junk and I'm so thankful to know that I can walk out into the hall and someone's door will probably be open. I've gotten alot of forwards and stuff about the end of the year - figured I'd post them here.

A year has past and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything, and yet nothing being the same. In two weeks we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say goodbye to people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left. We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends. We will go back to the places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before that. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday. As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that thethings that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand. The memories and the stories from school won't mean anything to anyone at home and yet you resent them for that, that they can't share that happiness with you. Who will you call first? What will you do your first weekend home with your friends? How long before you actually start missing people barging in without calling or knocking? Who will get pizza at three in the morning with you now? How long until you adjust to sleeping alone in a room again? Then you start to realize how much things have changed, and you realize the hardest part of university is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind. In the matter of one day's traveling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8:30am classes, and the perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we lived in it for eighteen years. But it is different now. We now know the meaning of true friendship. We know whom we have kept in touch with over the past year and whom we hold dearest in our hearts. We've left our high school world to deal with the real world. We've had our hearts broken, we've fallen in love, we've helped our best friends overcome depression, stress and death, and we've stayed up all night on the phone just to talk to a friend in need. There have been times when we've felt so helpless being hours away from home when we know our families needed us, and there are times we know we have made a difference. A few days from now we will leave. A few days from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave our friends whose random email and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer. We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world. Two weeks from now we will arrive. We will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's house and do nothing for hours on end.We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us to laughter and tears over the year. We will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year. In two weeks we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in some way, we will find our place between these two completely different worlds. Are you ready?

Whoever wrote that - it totally explains how I feel.

I have tons more but they're all pretty long... I'll save them for tomorrow I guess.

Hey Carly - here's my shout-out to you!!! It was so great seeing you again this past weekend - I miss your surprise hugs! Make sure to send me your blog site! And thanks so much for making me feel like I actually have a life!!!

So on with my blog... I really debated writing about this because usually when I complain about my problems on this site, I try to keep them vague and not express too many details... But this one will probably turn out different... The bottom line is that I am not sure where I fit in. Everything has changed from last year. Some things have changed for the better! But at times I just feel kind of lost and left out. I still regularly attend my home church since I am in Hamilton every weekend. But it feels different - probably because last year I was so involved in youth and teaching Sunday School and band. This year I didn't want to commit to teaching Sunday school just in case I all of a sudden couldn't come home for the weekend. But just this past weekend I find out that except for me and one other girl, the band has started up again - I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I kind of feel left out...

Another place where I feel left out is with camp people (and I know a bunch of you read this, that's why I feel akward posting about it...). Last summer was one of the best summers of my life! It was wicked sweet and the people there helped me through alot of things that they don't know about and with other things like Becca's death. But then the school year comes and alot of them get together to go out and do fun things together and I find out about them afterwards. This summer I decided that I wanted to do something different so I decided not to apply at camp and now I guess I'm just afraid that this "left out" feeling will just get a whole lot worse.

Lastly, two of my best friends (and girls who were/are like my older sisters) moved to Calgary. Since then it's been really hard for me to deal with the fact that it's not the three of us anymore - it's the two of them and their new best friends... Especially since one of them has completely stopped talking to me since January even though I have tried extremely hard to keep in contact with her any way possibly, and she knows how much I need her right now...

Enough complaining... I hope I don't whine too much on this blog!

Something I thought of today - do not take anything for granted! My church is sponsoring two refugees from Sudan. One has just arrived and came to my house for lunch this afternoon. After we had prayed for the meal, he held up his knife and fork and said (in broken English) "before we start eating, I want to know how do I use these?" I was shocked although I guess I shouldn't have been. It's just amazing to think that things we do so simply are new for others! Keep that in mind while you're typing on the keyboard (example, why are the letters placed the way they are?) or participating in a church service that is so regular to you (example, why exactly do we say the things we do?). I am also just thankful that I didn't have to leave my family behind in a country filled with devistation.

just to clear things up....

Just to clear stuff up from the previous post, I'm definately not looking to get married in the near future! =P I've just been thinking about my future and what it may hold... And I'm kind of wondering what kind of wonderful (and probably insane...) man will put up with me!!!

Ok so yeah... I was thinking and stuff and things... There's a lady I work with who has got to be around her 50s and she has never been married. Now, I don't know if it's just because she wants to be single (which is totally cool if that's the case - she's wicked sweet) or it's because she just never found the right person... All my life I just figured that I would meet the right person, fall in love, get married, have a family - you know, same old same old. But it never really occurred to me: what if I never found that right person? Like, I'm not looking to get married right now or anything. I was telling someone just the other day that I like being single and that I'm figuring out alot of stuff in my life right now. But it just kind of scares me not knowing whether or not I'll find someone who will put up with me the rest of their life! And someone I'm compatible with too - and who loves football and hockey!!! I don't know... Guess that's where faith comes in eh.

I went to the RCA (Reformed Church of America...) church service at Redeemer this past Sunday. I had a wicked awesome time. And then I talked to the pastor afterwards and had an amazing conversation. His preaching style was SO outgoing, something I'm really not used to (no offence to Pastor John or anything...) but this guy was totally alive! I don't know any other word that explains it really. He also opened my eyes (a little bit more - I've already thought about it a bit) to missions. Maybe I'll talk to him a bit more when I see him in June. He's going to be at the General Synod (an annual "meeting" for RCA churches) and I'm going as the Youth delagate for my area. I'm pretty excited!

Bleh, interviews...

I hate interviews! I just applied at the athletic complex at my school... I know I would be great at the job... but the interview wasn't anything special. Plus getting over being sick, I coughed through almost the whole thing... I hate those stupid on the spot questions like "tell us a time when there was conflict" BLAH! Oh well I have a 50/50 chance... Apparently out of 50 interviews they're hiring 15 on Friday and then another 15 from the same applicants in the fall... I just really want this job. Constance and Laurel both got what they wanted and what they worked towards, and I just really want this...

I've been betrayed by alot of people the last couple of months. I've been betrayed by guys, by people who were supposed to be my closest friends, and (sadly) by people in my church. But I'm really thankful that all of this hasn't pushed me further from God. My relationship with God really suffered for a while, but now I've come to realize that I've always been the happiest when my relationship with Him was strong. I'm trying a new church tomorrow and I'm really excited!